Wdnesday, Oct 14th Update

Today we spent the day with Albina. I can’t describe how wonderful it is to be with her. She radiates love and warmth. She has such a genuine kindness and a caring personality. She immediately feeds us. She won’t let me help her in the kitchen. I’ve tried asking and she just says no and kisses my cheek. She cooks for us all the time. Everything we have eaten has been wonderful. We mainly eat soups with ‘smantana’ which is their version of sour cream. It is really good. We love all of the food.
We went to the grocery store with her. It is located at the street level of their apartment building. We learned right away that if we even look at anything in the store she will purchase it for us. If I pick up anything to tell her the English word for it, she buys it for us. So we avoid looking at stuff or touching anything for fear that she might buy it for us. Kalan and I joked that we had to start talking in code.
In the afternoon we walked around the city to see some of the sights. Right now, the city has dug up a lot of the underground piping to make improvements to the water system. That means that some parts of the city do not have hot water. Right now Albina’s apartment does not have hot water. She said that they do this every summer/fall. Albina, Kalan and I walked around for awhile looking at some of the churches while we were waiting for Razvan to come home from school. The churches were very beautiful. All of the walls on the inside are hand painted with depictions of Christ’s life as well other types of historical events. The painting is really intricate and beautiful. I told Kalan I was really proud of myself for understanding a good amount of what Albina was saying. We haven’t had a translator with us every day. My cousin works so we’ve been alone with just our dictionary. With the help of the dictionary and my own memory of the language, I able to understand a good part of what they are saying. Many words are similar to Spanish so Kalan is actually able to pick out stuff as well. If the word is not exactly the same, then it is usually similar and that helps us figure out what they’re saying. I was so excited to be able to understand the language more and more. I understand a lot more than I can speak. It was just fun to walk around the city and spend time together. I feel safe and at home here. After awhile, we picked up Razvan from school. Vica dropped off her car for us so that we could drive around to some of the sights. Albina said that when I was little she took me to some of the sights. I wish I could remember that. Kalan was the designated driver. I couldn’t have driven the car. I freak out at stuff like that. They definitely drive differently here. Although the roads are marked and there are lane lines, people don’t really follow them. Everyone kind of does their own thing to try to get to their destination. We drove to the Suceava Fortress. It is a huge fortress that dates back to the 14th Century and was one of the fortresses of Stefan the Great (Stefan ce Mare). He was the Prince of Moldovia between 1457 and 1504. He was a very religious man and many churches and monasteries were erected during his reign. He is considered one of the most important people of Romanian history. His long reign as the Prince of Moldovia brought much cultural development to the country. He was seen as holy by many Christians and after his death the Romanian Orthodox Church made him a Saint. The fortress had a very large picture of him. The fortress was large and surrounded by many trees. The whole area is very green and really quite beautiful. It was fun to sight see with Albina. It was a cold and windy day so we stopped at the little café and had some hot chocolate. Albina gave me a picture of my brother Florin when he entered the army. He looks so young and just the way I remembered him. I was glad to have the picture.
Albina is such a comfort to me. To me she represents so many things. She is an extension of the live and love of my mother. I feel a sense of protection and belonging near her. She treats me like her own daughter. She told me that when my mother died, I became her little girl. In all of my pictures, she is the one holding me. I feel so blessed to be reunited with her. Now I feel complete. Her presence is so comforting to me and I think it is because that is how she has always been to me even as a little girl. She comforted, loved and protected me and that feeling has never left. In all of the times that we have talked on the webcam, she has always cried the entire time. Now I understand how emotional it must be for her to be reunited with me – someone she loved and cared for and considered her own little girl. It’s as if she lost something so precious and after a lifetime of searching she has finally found it. I feel the same way about her.

Prayer of the Children

‘Can you hear the prayer of the children?

On bended knee, in the shadow of an unknown room

Empty eyes with no more tears to cry

Turning heavenward toward the light

Crying, Jesus help me

To see the morning light of one more day

But if I should die before I wake

I pray my soul to take

Can you feel the hearts of the children?

Aching for home, for something of their very own

Reaching hands, with nothing to hold on to

But hope for a better day, a better day’

(Song written by Kurt Bestor)

This song brings me to tears as I think about the reality that I once knew and now the reality that my own niece and nephews face. Despite their situation, they glow. I am so amazed at their bright and happy dispositions. All of the children manage to remain happy and cheerful despite their living circumstances and their need for basic necessities such as food. They look ok but I can tell that they don’t receive enough food and nourishment. It is a heart wrenching situation for me to see. I was that little girl. The most difficult part of my journey was returning to my home and seeing Gabriela, Andrei and Cristian living as I once lived. But what eased my sorrows was the fact that we were able to bring 3 huge duffle bags full of warm bedding, clothing, shoes and all types of warm winter necessities and other basic needs for them. On Thursday, we were able to purchase a lot of food for them and I was so glad. For a moment, I felt like we had eased my brother’s burdens. At least for awhile they won’t have to wonder where their next meal was going to come from. It does a heart good to ease the suffering of those we love. Somehow and miraculously I ended up healing myself in the process.

Tuesday, October 13th Update

PART III

My brother manages to get work whenever and wherever he can. He has been the grave digger for the small cemetery for the past 2 years and people also hire him to do things around their homes. I am thankful that he is able to get some work. It is just not enough. The home is in bad condition and desperately needs to be repaired. They don’t have any indoor plumbing so that means no bathroom. Nicu has been trying to make some repairs and improvements to the home but he barely makes enough money to survive. One of my goals was to be able to have some money so that we could purchase some food for him and his family. They are all very skinny. The children are skinny. They don’t look scary skinny or sickly but they are very small. I worry that they don’t have enough food and that they are not receiving enough nourishment for their growing bodies. I remember when I was that age and I just remember being so hungry all the time. When I lived with my father, we just didn’t have enough food. He received an agricultural allowance which was less than a $1/day. It was not enough. Others did what they could to help us but we just never had food. I remember gnawing on a loaf of stale, old bread that was hard as cement. Sometimes that was all that I ate for the day. You don’t know what starving is until your body is literally starving. I have never forgotten that feeling. It’s a horrible reality. I remember at my young age being scared that I might die in the middle of the night because I was so hungry. And sometimes I would go to sleep hoping that I would die in the middle of the night so that I wouldn’t have to be hungry anymore. It is hard to understand what that feels like until you have been through it. It’s a reality that no child should ever have to know. I don’t want my niece and nephews to ever know what that feels like. But I fear that they already do. I want to make sure that they never go hungry. It just brings such a feeling of despair and loneliness when you’re so hungry like that. Nicu’s children are so bright, cheerful and full of life. I am amazed at their resiliency and strength. They are fighters. You have to be. You develop survival mechanisms so that you will keep living. His children just radiate happiness and hope. While we were there, Gabriela and Andrei both recited poems that they learned in school. They were so proud and I was so emotional watching them. Gabriela is a ray of sunshine. She resembles me in looks and it feels so strange to be looking at her as she sits on her bed in the same house where I once lived. At times I would look at her as we sat next to each other and it was like I was looking at a younger version of myself. Only she is better than me. She is happy and full of life. I admire her. Andrei is a little more shy but he has a happy spirit. When he smiles his eyes light up and melt my heart. Cristian is the shyest of the three. He is more quiet and more reserved. Our personalities are similar in that way. He is so cute and sweet. I love these kids like I love my own kids. To me they light up the room. These little kids are fighters. I can tell that they are clever and bright with many hopes and dreams. They deserve all that this world has to offer. They deserve a future and happy lives. A life free of the harsh realities they are faced with. As a parent it is so hard for me to see their situation. I was in that situation and now I can’t imagine having my kids be in that situation. That is how I feel when I see them. I feel like they are my own kids and I want to fight for them. Fight for a better life for them. Fight so that they never have to do without basic necessities like food and clothing. They don’t have a voice. They are powerless in their situation. How kind the good Lord has been to rescue me from a desperate situation only to bring me full circle. Once I was that child without a voice and now I am a woman with a voice and a purpose. How appropriate that I return to my home and to the same situation I once knew to help better the lives of those left behind. I want to fight for them because they are worth fighting for. How I would move heaven and earth for them because I love them. Because they deserve it. Because they are pure and represent all the hope that this world has to offer. Because they are an undeniable part of me, part of my soul. Who will fight for them if I don’t? I think about the worth of a soul and the value of human life. I think about my brother. What is his worth to me? I think about Gabriela, Andrei and Cristian. What is their worth to me? I would go to the depths of hell to fight for them, for all my family. You have to fight for those you love because sometimes life is not kind and sometimes you find yourself in the bitter depths of the darkest abyss and you wonder who will fight for you to bring you a glimmer of hope in your darkest hour. No one is immune from pain, sadness and a broken heart. But it is during those dark hours that God works miracles through the hands of others to bring Hope, Comfort and Love to ease the pain. Through helping my brother, I have healed the broken heart I had as a little girl. Through the kindness and generosity of so many people, I have the means to help them and to supply them with basic necessities.

Tuesday, Oct 13th Update

PART II

As I made my way up to the front door, I felt like I was stepping back in time. I remembered every detail of my old home. It felt so surreal to be standing at my front door again. Mihaela greeted us at the door and welcomed us in. As I stepped in to the hallway of my old home, I could vividly see myself there as a little girl. We walked into their room. Because it was late at night, Nicu and the children were sleeping. They were alarmed by our arrival. We were not able to call Nicu and tell him that we were coming. Gabriela and Andrei woke up but Cristian, the youngest, stayed asleep the whole time. I think they were all shocked to see me and it must have seemed like a dream because no one did anything for awhile. Nicu stared at me as if he was looking at a dream. When he realized it was really me, he grabbed me, hugged me hard and started crying. My heart broke into a million pieces and I felt like the little sister he lost so long ago. I was crying and holding on tight. I never realized how much I had missed my brother until I was hugging him for the first time in over 18 years. We held each other and cried for a long time. There was not a dry eye in the room. I never thought that I would see my brothers again. When I was adopted, they were not at home and so we were never able to say goodbye. Nicu kept holding my face in his hands and crying. It is hard to fully describe how I was feeling at that moment. My brothers have not had an easy life. Nicu has not had an easy life. It has put years on his face. How I wished at that moment that I could erase all the sadness and pain away from his life. I wanted to make everything better and perfect for him. To see the difficult life he has had shook me to my very core. That could have been me. But by the grace of God, I was given a new life. Here I was kneeling on the hard concrete floor of my old house, holding my brother and crying. And I knew that I was meant to return home again. To see my brother in such despair and sadness broke me. He is my family, my flesh, my blood. I wanted to tell him that I was home and that things would be better. That there was hope because so many people cared about him and wanted to help. I wanted to tell him how much I had missed him and how my heart was hurting to see the hardships that they bare. I felt whole and broken at the same time. I felt whole because I was home again. I had taken this journey and returned to my home country. But I felt so broken kneeling on the floor crying. As we looked at each other we both knew that there was so much to tell and not enough words to describe it all. But as I looked in my brother’s eyes, I could see that he knew I loved him and I knew that he loved me. And that was enough.

We brought 3 large duffle bags of donations for Nicu and his family. I didn’t realize we had so many donations for Nicu but I was glad that we did. Albina, Ion, Vica and Razvan all came with us along with my cousin Larisa who translated for us. Nicu and his family occupy 1 room in the house. The room is about 10x10 and this is where they live, sleep, eat, cook, etc. There is no indoor plumbing but they do have electricity. They live in one room because this is the only room that has a small stove as a heating agent. The other small room does not have a stove and so it serves as a storage room for their few belongings. They have 2 very small beds that they sleep and sit on. The room has a very small side table that they cook on. They do not have a stove. They cook on a small 2 burner camping stove. They were in the middle of painting the room for my arrival and they were not finished. I think they were a bit embarrassed by that. It was a sweet gesture and I appreciated it. I was so happy to be able to bring so much to them. Gabriela (6), my little niece was so happy to see me. She kept hugging and kissing me. Andrei (4), my nephew kept looking at me and smiling. He’s a little more shy. I was sitting next to Nicu on the ground as I started opening the duffle bags. The kids started talking and squealing non-stop. They were so excited for everything. One of the first items we gave them was 2 really large down blankets. These were donated to us by The Breast Cancer Society. I remember the winters being so bitter cold and we had little heating in the house. You don’t understand how cold the winters can get when you have no blankets and your only source of warmth is your tiny little stove that you hope you have enough wood for. I wanted to bring warm blankets and winter necessities for them since the colder weather was fast approaching. The blankets were very thick and will keep them very warm when it starts to snow. Nicu and Mihaela were crying. I kept pulling more items out of the duffle bags. You should have seen the looks and expressions on Gabriela and Andrei. They have never had presents before. They were so happy and excited with all of the presents. I gave them their winter boots first. They screamed. Gabriela put her boots on and Andrei wanted me to help him put his on. They were so excited. I wanted to make sure that the kids had very warm shoes and boots. We also brought tons of warm winter clothes for the kids. Each of the kids also received warm winter coats. They had everything from socks, to coats to beanies and clothes. These children have never had presents before. No Christmas and no birthdays. I lived the same type of life. My first presents were when I came to America. I remember that feeling so well. To have something given to you as a gift is magical to a child and the children were feeling it. They kept hugging me. I showed them their toys and they were almost hysterical by then. They wanted to try everything on. A friend’s little girl had given her favorite baby doll to us to take to Romania. I gave that to Gabriela and she was so excited. I am sure she has never had a doll before. I gave her some play makeup, lipstick and nail polish. She opened them right away and put her makeup on and also did her nails. She was loving it. I showed her the hair flowers and she said she wanted to put every single flower on her head. She got about as many flowers in her hair as she could fit. We gave them all colored pencils and markers. They went crazy for the markers. It is amazing how such a simple item like markers can bring such joy. We had shoes, socks and clothes including coats and sweaters for Nicu and Mihaela. I had items for my other brother, Florin but he was not there. He has been gone for over a year in a town very far away. Nicu has not been able to contact him but Florin sent him some money awhile back. I was sad that he was not there. I hope that when I return I will be able to see him. The whole time I was taking stuff out of the bags, Nicu would put his face in his hands and start crying. It was hard to not cry as well. I can’t tell you how happy I was to be able to bring such desperately needed necessities to them. We gave them medication as well including chewable Tylenol for the kids. They don’t purchase medications like that. It’s a luxury not a necessity. We also gave them hygiene items as well as some treats for the kids. We gave them peanut butter too. They don’t have peanut butter in Romania. I was so glad that through the generosity and kindness of so many people, we were able to bring such wonderful and needed items to them. I could not have done that on my own. I am so thankful for all the donations that we received. It will make their lives easier.

Tuesday, Oct13th Update

PART I

After we woke up and got ready for the day, Albina came over to our apartment. She brought tons of food for us to eat. She feeds us all the time. The food was really good. She makes really great soups. After some time, I gave Albina her gifts. She started crying and so did I. Kalan’s cousin Kristina works for The Breast Cancer Society and they helped us out so much. Because of their generous donations, we were able to bring warm bedding for everyone. I gave Albina a king size light blue fluffy quilt with all of the sheets and pillowcases to go with it. She cried and said that every time she sees it she will think of me. She smiled when I gave her the “Arizona” sweater. I gave her a beautiful red silk scarf as well as many more gifts. She didn’t have her ears pierced but that was ok because I gave her a beautiful pair of red rose earrings that were clip-ons. We gave her a lot more stuff. We also gave her several bottles of Tylenol. She cried. I don’t know if she was crying just because she was happy or because of the Tylenol. She was happy and thankful for all of the gifts we brought and I was very happy that we were able to give her such beautiful things.

After we finished at the apartment, we went to Albina’s apartment. She lives in the apartment with her son, Ion, his wife Vica and their son Razvan. Their apartment is small but it feels like home to me. I love being there. While we were there, Albina pulled out a small and very old vintage style hard suitcase. I could see that she kept her most precious belongings in this little suitcase. She pulled out a few articles of clothing and handed them to me and told me that they were my mother’s. I was shocked and started crying. I couldn’t believe that she was handing me articles of clothing that she had saved since my mother’s death. She saved all of this stuff for me in hopes of seeing me again one day. She gave me a traditional dress that my mother wore along with a thicker piece of material that is wrapped around the bottom of the dress and her head scarf. Tears were falling down my face. I don’t think I can explain to her how much it means to me to have something, anything that belonged to my mother. I kept holding the clothing and looking at it. Somehow those few pieces of clothing are a comfort to me. We both cried as we hugged. Sometimes I wonder what it must be like for Albina. She lost her younger sister (my mother) and several years later, I left. She tucked those few articles of clothing in her suitcase where all her most precious belongings were, in hopes of giving it to me someday. Now here we were in her apartment, and for the first time in my life I was holding something that belonged to my mother - something that she wore. I felt so honored and thankful that I was holding something of my mother’s. It is something that I will treasure forever and I am so thankful to my aunt for keeping those few items for me.

In the evening, we all went to meet my brother. Although it was dark, I could see my old house (Nicu’s house now). I was flooded with memories and emotions. It was over 18 years ago that I left Ipotesti and said goodbye to my old house and life. I always knew that someday I would return to Romania. I never imagined that my old house would still be standing or that I would have anything to return to. It is difficult to explain how I felt at that moment. I was excited and terrified at the same time. For a moment it all felt like a dream. The last time I saw this house I was a little girl and my father was still living. The colors were more vibrant and the scenery was different. Years later the house was faded and aged. The scenery had changed but the feelings remained. This house and I share many similarities. Through the years we have both endured the storms of life. Through the years we have both aged. And here we were face to face and we were both still standing. I was home again.

Straja Photos

Vasile, Kalan, Albina, Me & Ion by Saveta's house.

Vasile and her live on top of a hill and have the most amazing view of Straja.

In Straja we saw a lot of horse and carts. It is a farming village and this is how they work.

Kalan & Vasile in the forest on the walk up to my uncle's house.

The forest is really thick.

A beautiful view of Straja. It was so beautiful there.

As we made our way up the hill, we could see my uncle standing outside his house in front of his fence waiting for us. It was like a scene out of a movie. He stayed there the whole time watching and waiting for us.
My uncle Aurel and I as we met for the first time in 18 years.

Somehow being around him again made me feel like I had really missed him all these years.

My cousin Ion & I standing in my uncle's yard.

My uncle and his wife own a cow and she had a baby calf. It was really cute.

As we left my uncle's house, his neighbor called me by name. She was such a sweet lady who remembered who I was. I think she said that I used to play at her house when I lived with my uncle. She picked some beautiful flowers from her garden for me. I didn't remember her but I was really touched by her sweetness.

More Photos

The kids all eating sugar wafers.

(One of the down blankets that was donated to us by The Breast Cancer Society.)

Gabriela showing us that she wrote my name next to hers on a piece of newspaper.

Proof that everytime I saw her she was wearing this many hair flowers in her hair. She always greeted me with a big smile, hug and kiss and lots of hair flowers in her hair.

One of the handmade blankets that was donated to us by some wonderful people in Heber. They gave us 3 handmade blankets along with some fleece blankets.

The other blankets went to other members of my family.

Andrei wearing on of the soft, fuzzy beanies we brought for them (from The Breast Cancer Society). Each of the children had a fuzzy beanie. They loved them, especially Gabriela who received a pink beanie.

The two little boys are a little more shy than Gabriela, but they warmed up to us quickly.

Here they are smiling and being goofy for the camera. They are so sweet.

The kids shoes. The pair on the left was what I sent last year in a package. The other 3 pairs were ones that we brought with us, plus we also brought boots for the kids for the snow.

Gabriela and Cristian. The top Cristian is wearing is a pj set we brought. He looks so cute here. Gabriela is always smiling for the camera. Some wonderful people in Heber also donated a number of the beanies that Cristian is wearing. We gave all of the beanies to them.

Me with all of the kids. I love them. They are so sweet and bright. Gabriela is always playing with my hair and giving me hugs and kisses. The kids are really sweet and always happy.

I wanted to take them all home with me.

Nicu and I. We were both overjoyed to see each other again after 18+ years.

I love him and miss him everyday.

Kalan & I with Nicu, Mihaela, Gabriela, Andrei and Cristian.

My life is not the same without them.