I think I finally learned a lesson ~ never make the plans because for some reason it never turns out the way you plan it to. We had “planned” to go to Romania in September but for many reasons that didn't work out. I sent post cards to all my family telling them to expect us on a certain date in September, and then the following week, we realized we would not be able to travel in September. And then we made other plans, and somehow those didn’t work out either. I’m a person that likes to plan. Rarely do I like to just “wing-it”. Sure, I can “wing-it” when it comes to many things. But as a general overview of my personality, I like to plan. I like to make lists. I’m a very thorough person. And "winging" a 20+ hour trip overseas was just not going to work.
Then, the night we got home from visiting my in-laws {love them} in much cooler weather {love that}, we sat down, went thru some dates, and I bought my ticket. Yes. I did just say, my ticket. That was something else we hadn't planned on. But life happens and sometimes things happen you had not planned on.
The moment I purchased my ticket, I felt calm and knew it was the right thing to do. And then after I purchased the ticket, I freaked. I was going to be traveling alone overseas. I will admit that I was a tad nervous because this whole experience is still new to me. And still very raw and emotional. Being back in my native country is an experience that brings back some memories I probably haven’t thought about since I left so long ago. I was worried about traveling alone without my constant companion because I rely on his strength more than he knows. Just his presence calms me.
In the week following, I was emotional. Most of my days were fine, until I started thinking about traveling alone and then I would cry. I didn’t want to travel alone and was worried I would panic mid-flight over the ocean. I actually have a paranoia of enclosed spaces that have no escape as well as deep waters, so flying over the ocean is a bad thing for me. So here I am a girl who gets claustrophobic and is afraid of dark waters, flying over the Atlantic Ocean to get to Europe.
And then all of a sudden, I stopped crying. The calmness that we felt about my upcoming trip was an answer that God was in charge of this one. I trust Him. I knew that if this was not a good idea, He would tell me.
As the day approached, I started to feel calm and have a general feeling of peace surround me. Of course I cried when I thought about being alone without my babies and my husband.
But I had a feeling that this experience was something that I needed. I didn’t know all the reasons, but I knew that I needed it. I need my mother. And somehow in Albina’s home, I feel her there. I just felt like this was the right thing to do. Although it wasn't our original plan, it was the right plan. And I was so excited to be returning home again. Nothing is as comforting as returning to my home country - well, with the exception of returning home to my husband and babies.
