October 16th Update

I was planning on spending the day with my cousin but she was not able to, so instead I spent the whole day with Albina, Ionica and Vica. We went shopping at some supermarkets. I love the outdoor shopping. There is fresh produce and flowers all over at the outdoor farmers market. Albina took me to the Animal museum. It was interesting. And in the basement they had birds and some type of fat, fluffy hamster type of animal. I have no idea what it was, but it was cute.

We also did some shopping at the outdoor Bucovina festival where they had meats and cheeses from the county on display to sample as well as purchase. Bucovina refers to the specific region in Romania where I am from. Lots of traditional food and clothing as well as music, etc.

I also went to the museum of history. It was really interesting to see the history of Suceava. Luckily, everything was written in English as well so I was able to learn a lot. I appreciate learning the history of where I came from.

The day was a very relaxing day. It is nice to be able to spend it with family. They buy everything for me which is not necessary but it is very kind. I don’t even look at things because they will purchase it. They don’t let me purchase any of my own food or water. I drink bottled flat water – not mineral water. They picked up on that, and each day they buy bottled water for me. They don’t ever accept my money so I just sneak it into Albina’s purse when she isn’t looking. 

It seems kind of strange to not be speaking English to anyone, but it has been really good for me. I understand the language a lot better and I am able to have small conversations with people. Vica is the easiest to speak to because she speaks slowly. Albina says she’s too old to learn English. I can understand her pretty well, she just speaks a little faster than Vica so she usually has to repeat things. But I am glad to be doing so well with the language. Albina tells me that if I can stay for 3 months, I will be fluent. And she is right. I would be. In the meantime, this is a good start.

October 15th Update

Today was a pretty uneventful day. Vica took 10 days off of work so that she could spend time with me. I spend everyday with Albina and Vica. It is actually a lot of fun to just have us girls hanging out. Vica is so patient and kind. She always uses the dictionary and it’s become a big joke between us that she is going to be learning English quickly since she is always using it to communicate with me. I am surprise that even though I have only been here for a couple of days, the language is coming back a little quicker. I think it’s because I traveled alone so I don’t have someone to speak English to on a daily basis. But I am glad. I am understanding a lot more than I did last time and it’s good for me.

I spent the morning looking through Albina’s photo album. She must think I’m strange for always wanting to look at pictures but I love them. They tell a history of my mother’s family. I can tell the rest of my family calls Albina daily because I can understand her talking to them. She tells them what I’ve been doing, etc.

Albina’s best friend came over this morning. She is the sweetest lady I have ever met. She talks a lot and is very expressive with her stories. I love just watching her. I sat down with them and talked a little. I can follow their conversations and even answer questions that are directed to me. She kept telling me I was intelligent because I could understand almost everything she was saying, until she started telling a story and talking too fast. She is a sweet lady. She thinks that Albina and I look alike. When she was younger, Albina had long hair like mine. Her friend started talking about the days when I left and when Albina found out. She said that Albina worked in a factory all day and could not take care of me. Her husband died 2 months before my mother died. She kept telling me over and over how heart broken Albina was when she found out I was gone. She talked about Albina’s attempts to get me back. Albina started crying so her friend said she would stop talking. She then talked about bringing our family over there to visit. Everyone wants to see the kids as well as meet my parents and my husband’s family. She said that they would make room for everyone and they could all sleep at her apartment too. She is a wonderful little old lady with such a giving heart. I can see why her and Albina are friends because they treat people the same way.

My cousin Larisa came and picked me up around noon. We went to the bank and did some shopping. Nothing too exciting. Larisa and Marius both speak English so it’s nice to be able to spend time with them and talk about stuff. Marius is an amazing chef and cooked a really good dinner and dessert for us. Everyone feeds me too much. You would think someone would lose weight traveling to a third-world country, but I get fed all the time, and I gain weight. The food is so delicious. And I eat everything that is given to me so as not to offend anyone.

I love being here because it feels like home. I know some people {dad} were worried about my safety but I am completely safe here. Not to mention, I am Romanian so my looks blend in. Apart from my terrible sense of direction, I would feel comfortable going out on the streets on my own.

October 14th Update

I don’t think you can find more giving people that Albina and Vica. When I got to their house and before I had the opportunity to change my clothes, I was immediately given thick socks and slippers for my feet as well as a thick sweater. And then I was fed. Yum. I couldn’t wait to eat Albina’s soup. She makes the best soup in the world. That is true comfort food. Ahh, I love her food. After eating, I was able to take a hot shower. It’s so nice to have a nice, hot shower after traveling for 20+ hours. Razvan read off some questions that they had for me. Simple questions like, how was the trip, how are the kids, how is the family. After the questions, I was so dead tired I couldn’t keep my eyes open let alone try to understand the language. So I got into my covers and Albina tucked me in. I don’t know why, but I like it when she tucks me in. It makes me feel like a little girl being tucked in by her mommy. I will never get sick of that.

I didn’t wake up until 9:30am. It was heavenly to finally be able to sleep since traveling 20+ hours with no sleep. Albina asked me what I wanted to do and I said rest. I was completely exhausted. We spent most of the day resting. It was just nice to be with Albina.

In the evening around 6pm, we went to Nicu’s house. I don’t know why, but I get butterflies in my stomach every time we drive in that direction, and especially as we near my old house. There are so many memories associated with my old village and my old home that surface each time I find myself there. These are memories that cannot be erased. And as I stand before my old home, I see them all so vividly. Many of these memories bring a lot of tears. All I want to do it fall to the ground and cry. I know it may seem strange to hold so many emotions attached to a home, but this was the world I once knew. I remember everything about my old home. In many ways, I am glad she {my home} is still standing. It is surreal to stand before her and look at her face. She has been weathered, beaten down and cracked. Yet she still stands. Sometimes I feel the same way. As I work through some of my painful memories, I too, feel weathered, beaten down and broken. But somewhow, by the grace of God, I still stand. For many reasons, my old home holds much symbolism for me. I hope that someday I can give her new life, just as I received new life.

As I walked through the door way, Grabriela was the first to greet me and she cried. I brought the duffle bag of donations and was so excited to give them to the kids. The room was neat and everyone looked happy. I saw my other brother Florin for the first time. He was not there when I went in 2009, so it was amazing to see his face. I have never forgotten him. I remembered his face and his personality. Oh, how I wanted to fall to the ground and cry. I cannot fully express the emotions I felt. My sweet brother, whose pain stricken life has been written all over his face. He is in his 30’s but looks so much older. Every scar and every wrinkle are a testament to the life he has had. But above all, his eyes tell his story. I could see his eyes rimmed with the sadness he carries. In the 20 years that have passed since we last saw each other, I was reuniting with a brother I hardly recognized. As Florin and I held each other and cried, I felt so sad for a number of reasons. There was not a dry eye in the house. It is so hard for me to see my brothers and the harsh life that they live in and not feel guilty. I don’t know why I was blessed to come to America and others were left behind. I’ve come to think that perhaps this is something I will never get an answer to until I die. Seeing their sadness really shakes me because I realize that it could have been my life.

The children have grown so much. Cristi, the baby, is so tall now, he doesn’t even look like a little toddler anymore. Gabriela has also grown taller too. I would bet she is going to be a tall girl, just like my mother was and just like me. Andrei is bigger as well and not as shy towards me. Seeing the children made me want to hug them forever. They are so sweet and innocent with so much light and love to offer. They were so excited for everything. Before my trip, I worked on filling backpacks for them. Many of you donated items and Rhonda just about took care of all the backpacks for me. She provided so many toys and fun things for the kids. She gave all the kids bubbles and I can tell you they were a BIG hit. The kids were fascinated with the bubbles. Cristi in particular wanted to do bubbles the entire time I was there. It was so wonderful to see the children so happy. Andrei, who is about my boy’s age, was fascinated with the cars. I am so glad that we got to bring those to him. Aside from the bubbles, I think they loved the flutes I brought. They kept playing them. You have never seen so much happiness as there was in that house when the children were taking each item out of their backpacks and squealing with excitement over every.single.item. I wish I would have brought a video camera with me so that you could all see for yourselves. The children loved every single toy they received. And they all put their pajamas on as well.

Providing happiness to the kids {even if it’s just momentary} is such a treat for me. I can remember being their age and having nothing. So to be able to come with backpacks full of amazing goodies was so awesome.

I want to thank everyone who donated items. You have no idea how such simple things can bring such great joy to the face of child. I wish you could all experience it for yourselves. You would never forget it. Those moments alone were probably one of the highlights of the trip. I have never seen such happy children. And all I brought were simple toys: crayons, markers, cars, bubbles, army men, animals, coloring books, sketch pads, flowers, small stuffed toys, a Raggedy Anne for Gabriela, etc. And some of the toys were even hand-me-downs in really great condition. It didn’t take much to bring such happiness to the kids, and I am so thankful that I was able to do that.

Thank you again for the donations. They were very appreciated!

Oct 12th & 13th Update

Oct 12 and 13 Update

The day finally came to leave. The days before my trip, I spent packing my kids and myself. I also packed a huge duffle bag of all of the donations. Rhonda, I got all your stuff packed in there. And Mel, I got your cute rag quilts.

The day finally came and I was ready to go, but not emotionally ready to travel alone. My husband took me to the airport and was allowed to go through security and wait at the gate with me. My cute bugs were there to see me off. When the time came to board the plane, I almost lost it. I cried and felt like I had been blown to bits. I didn’t want to leave my babies. I cried all the way to my seat and then some. I cried while staring out the window. And then I stopped crying. I knew everything would be ok. But I already missed my babies. I only had a 50 minute layover in New Jersey and my flight was late. I literally got off my gate and ran to my next gate and boarded. I was able to call my husband when I got on the plane. I cried. I’m such a baby sometimes. This particular flight is the longest and my least favorite. For a claustrophobic person like myself, long flights are grueling. Luckily I had books to read and no one was sitting next to me, which meant I could sleep.

The time zone is a killer. I left New Jersey at 7pm and arrived in Frankfurt at 9:30am the next morning. From Frankfurt I went to Bucharest and then finally to Suceava. My flight arrived at 6:40pm in Suceava the following night. I was dead tired. And for many reasons, I had not been able to sleep on the long flight. I got slightly lost in the airport in Bucharest and was completely stressed out with no one to talk to. It was stressful but I finally managed to find my gate and board the flight to Suceava. It’s about an hour flight to Suceava and I kept falling asleep. I finally landed in Suceava at 6:40pm. We landed on the running and had to get off there. It was freezing cold and all I had on was a shirt dress with leggings and a thin cardigan with flip flops. Not the smartest outfit for freezing cold weather, but it was comfortable on the flight.

From the plane, you get off on the runway and then head into the small airport. As I was waiting to get my baggage, I saw Albina peek her head in, and it was such a relief to see her face. Everyone waiting for their luggage must stay in one room, while all those waiting to greet someone, stay in the other room. Albina kept peeking her head in. I just love her. I was relieved that all of my luggage made it there, especially the huge duffle bag of donations. I was greeted by Albina, Ionica and Razvan. Ionica laughed at my choice of clothing and Albina was clearly worried that I was going to freeze to death. The airport is about 20 minutes outside of the city, and I practically fell asleep on the ride home.

It was so nice to finally arrive home. I was so excited to have made it through all of that grueling traveling alone and to have reached my destination in one piece. Albina’s home is a comfort to me and I was so happy to have finally arrived.

Before I Left

I think I finally learned a lesson ~ never make the plans because for some reason it never turns out the way you plan it to. We had “planned” to go to Romania in September but for many reasons that didn't work out. I sent post cards to all my family telling them to expect us on a certain date in September, and then the following week, we realized we would not be able to travel in September. And then we made other plans, and somehow those didn’t work out either. I’m a person that likes to plan. Rarely do I like to just “wing-it”. Sure, I can “wing-it” when it comes to many things. But as a general overview of my personality, I like to plan. I like to make lists. I’m a very thorough person. And "winging" a 20+ hour trip overseas was just not going to work.

Then, the night we got home from visiting my in-laws {love them} in much cooler weather {love that}, we sat down, went thru some dates, and I bought my ticket. Yes. I did just say, my ticket. That was something else we hadn't planned on. But life happens and sometimes things happen you had not planned on.

The moment I purchased my ticket, I felt calm and knew it was the right thing to do. And then after I purchased the ticket, I freaked. I was going to be traveling alone overseas. I will admit that I was a tad nervous because this whole experience is still new to me. And still very raw and emotional. Being back in my native country is an experience that brings back some memories I probably haven’t thought about since I left so long ago. I was worried about traveling alone without my constant companion because I rely on his strength more than he knows. Just his presence calms me.

In the week following, I was emotional. Most of my days were fine, until I started thinking about traveling alone and then I would cry. I didn’t want to travel alone and was worried I would panic mid-flight over the ocean. I actually have a paranoia of enclosed spaces that have no escape as well as deep waters, so flying over the ocean is a bad thing for me. So here I am a girl who gets claustrophobic and is afraid of dark waters, flying over the Atlantic Ocean to get to Europe.

And then all of a sudden, I stopped crying. The calmness that we felt about my upcoming trip was an answer that God was in charge of this one. I trust Him. I knew that if this was not a good idea, He would tell me.

As the day approached, I started to feel calm and have a general feeling of peace surround me. Of course I cried when I thought about being alone without my babies and my husband.

But I had a feeling that this experience was something that I needed. I didn’t know all the reasons, but I knew that I needed it. I need my mother. And somehow in Albina’s home, I feel her there. I just felt like this was the right thing to do. Although it wasn't our original plan, it was the right plan. And I was so excited to be returning home again. Nothing is as comforting as returning to my home country - well, with the exception of returning home to my husband and babies.