Saturday, October 17th Update

PART II

Later that evening, we ate dinner at Saveta's then went outside by the fire to grill some meats. Saveta and Vica were busy putting the meats on the grill. A meat similar to carne asada had been marinating all day. It looked so good on the grill. They also made small potatoes to grill. We had sausages and hot dogs as well. Vasile was watching the meats grill. It smelled so great. We all sat around visiting, laughing and being in each other's presence. Ionica had his car turned on to give us light by the fire. He had music playing. We were all sitting there. He asked me to dance. I felt silly but of course agreed. We just danced to the song. He hugged me and starting crying. I started crying. He just kept hugging me and squeezing so tight he even cracked my back. It's hard to describe the feelings. Along with the joy of my return, there is a feeling of lost years and lost memories. Here they have felt the pain of my departure. My aunt Albina has searched for me since I left. The minute she found out she started fighting for me. It was hard to see Ionica so emotional about it. Since we couldn’t really speak to each other, I think that was his way of saying that he has missed me. It’s amazing to realize how much a hug can convey all the words that you cannot speak. I understood that he loved me, missed me and was so glad that I was home again. I sat by Vasile (Saveta's husband). He keeps looking at me and calling my name. As I sat next to him, I noticed that he had started crying and his shoulders were shaking. I put my arm around him and we sat and cried together. He is clearly saddened by all the years that have past. It's hard to witness that. I think to him I was more like their daughter. I lived with him and Saveta for over 2 years. I am the same age as their younger daughter. They cared for me as their own and I know that is part of the heartache that is felt. It’s hard to realize that the last time they saw me I was a tiny girl and now I’ve returned and I am older, married and I have children of my own. It’s hard to describe the feelings of many years that have passed. I feel a mix of emotions. I believe all things happen for a reason, but it's hard to see that they have missed me and longed for me. I feel the same. I have missed them and longed for their love. Once my mother died, her family all took care of me as their own. I am sure they did the same before she passed. I think that's why it has been so hard and painful for them. They had the loss of their sister and the loss of her only daughter. I can't imagine the depth of their feelings. To think of my sister passing and then to think that her child had to be given away - it's like another death. It's so emotional for everyone, including me. I never thought that I would have those type of feelings. It is difficult to put into words what the loss of the past 18 years have meant for them and for me. I feel the loss of the relationships and what could have been. I feel the loss of their love and constant companionship. I feel the loss of the families that remained in Romania.

The evening was spent together eating, talking and laughing. After the meats were done grilling, we went inside to visit and talk. Even with my limited Romanian, I understand more than I can speak. Vasile keeps telling funny stories about me and laughing. He is a very funny person with a joyful disposition. He loves to joke and keeps making us laugh with his funny stories or facial expressions. I too feel the pain of my departure. It's a bittersweet experience. Obviously I was supposed to be adopted for a reason but that doesn't mean that there isn't some heartache associated with it. I feel blessed to be able to return home to my nation. God has truly performed miracles in my life. It's amazing to witness His hand in my life and to see His love and mercy as we are all healed by my return. Yes, many years have passed and the loss of memories and time is painful. But the miracle of our reunion is evident and makes up for the sadness and sorrow. Now we can begin again to make memories and strengthen our bonds of love and continue the legacy that they have. I am thankful and honored to be home again.