Part I
Saturday we woke up and ate breakfast. It's so fun being surrounded by so many family members. My mother's family is very close. There are only 2 siblings left, my aunt Albina and my uncle Aurel. Aurel is 74 years old. They're all so loving towards each other and us. I can tell that they are really close and all have a wonderful bond. I feel honored to be included in that. They loved Kalan as one of their own. He kept speaking in Spanish to everyone. We all just laughed. After we got ready for the day, we took the walk up to Aurel's house. Aurel lives on the top of one of the hills. He has an amazing view of the village. His house is not very far away from Saveta's. We took the walk thru the forest to get to his house. In fact, the forest just behind his house is walking distance away from the Ukraine border. As we made our way closer to his house, we could see him standing outside of his house waiting for us. It looked like a shot out of a movie. Here was this old man with his hat on, standing outside his white fence waiting for my arrival. When we got to his house, I walked up and we just hugged. Again, another emotional experience for everyone, including myself. Even though I don’t remember him, I felt so welcome in his arms. Somehow I felt like my soul had missed his presence all these years. He is so sweet and radiates warmth. All of my mother's family radiates warmth and a love. Perhaps an extension of the love of my mother. I feel at home in their arms. We went inside his house. This is the same house where my grandmother gave birth to all of her children. The same house where my mother was born and raised. I felt a sense of peace and comfort in the home. Inside their home, there is a little stove (soba) where they cook, but there is also a spot that makes an L shape above the stove and you can sleep there. They said that is where I spent my time sleeping at their house when I lived with them. It is a beautiful quaint home and over 100 years old. There was a special feeling in their home that made me feel like I had never left. Albina and Zamfira took me into the other room to show me some pictures on the wall. The first picture hanging on the wall was a photo of a beautiful woman who looked to be in her early twenties. The photo took my breath away and I felt an instant pull towards it. Tears instantly came to my eyes as I looked at the photo. It made me so emotional. It is a photo of my aunt Silvia, my mother’s older sister. In the photo, my aunt is so beautiful. I still cry just thinking about it. My feelings were hard to explain. I was surprised at my reaction towards the photo. It was like a massive force had hit me and I was instantly overwhelmed with emotions just looking at her photo. It's hard to fully explain how I felt the moment I saw her photo. She died way before I was even born. I learned that she passed away in 1965 when she was just 30 years old from a cat bite that got infected. She was so young when she died. She was not married at the time. The other photo was of Aurel when he was young and in the military. He looks the same only older. Zamfira brought her photos in the other room for us. I love photos. For someone like me who has little memory and knowledge of my family here, photos are a priceless treasure. I loved looking at the photos of my mother's family. Many were of Aurel and his life. He was a logger in his young days. Aurel has such a presence about him. I love to be around him. I think in many ways we represent the same thing to each other. To me, Albina and Aurel represent an extension of my mother's love and life and I think to them I represent an extension of my mother who they lost so long ago. When I am near them I feel like I am near my mother. I miss her. I found out that my grandfather served in the military. He was killed in 1944 during WWII. He is buried in the mountains where they have a monument to all of the soldiers. He died in August/September and in October my mother was born. My grandmother raised all of her children alone in this house. I think she must have been an amazing woman who was extremely hard working. I think she must have taught all of her children well by her example because they are all hardworking, kind and generous. My grandmother passed away the year before I was born. During my visit, I was able to get the names and dates of my grandparents and all of my aunt and uncles. It was what I had hoped for and I was very excited. Learning about my family’s legacy is so important to me. Not only do I want to know everything about my life in Romania and my family, I always want my children to know where they come from. I wish that I could fully articulate the feelings I felt in the home where my mother was born and raised. There is a pure love in this home. It radiates warmth, peace, protection and love to me. Here in the walls of this home I felt whole. I felt honored to be standing in the home where my grandmother lived and raised her children. I felt honored to be a part of their family for they truly have a wonderful legacy of love. It was hard trying to hold back tears. I felt like I was going to burst into a million pieces because I felt so overwhelmed with love. In many ways I wonder if this is a fraction of the same type of love that must radiate from heaven above. A love so pure and strong that it leaves you breathless and fills every inch of your soul. Perhaps this is the power of love that can be felt from our family members who have passed on but still remain near us watching, comforting and protecting us. I truly believe that my family has watched over me throughout my life, comforting me and giving me strength during my darkest hour. I feel that they watch over and protect my little family now. It’s an honor to feel of their love. I felt so overwhelmed with feelings of love in Aurel’s house. This is the home where generations of my family has lived. The same home where I lived for a short time as a little girl after my mother passed. The home itself represented so many different emotions for me but it mostly felt like Home – a place where I belonged and perhaps never really left.
Saturday we woke up and ate breakfast. It's so fun being surrounded by so many family members. My mother's family is very close. There are only 2 siblings left, my aunt Albina and my uncle Aurel. Aurel is 74 years old. They're all so loving towards each other and us. I can tell that they are really close and all have a wonderful bond. I feel honored to be included in that. They loved Kalan as one of their own. He kept speaking in Spanish to everyone. We all just laughed. After we got ready for the day, we took the walk up to Aurel's house. Aurel lives on the top of one of the hills. He has an amazing view of the village. His house is not very far away from Saveta's. We took the walk thru the forest to get to his house. In fact, the forest just behind his house is walking distance away from the Ukraine border. As we made our way closer to his house, we could see him standing outside of his house waiting for us. It looked like a shot out of a movie. Here was this old man with his hat on, standing outside his white fence waiting for my arrival. When we got to his house, I walked up and we just hugged. Again, another emotional experience for everyone, including myself. Even though I don’t remember him, I felt so welcome in his arms. Somehow I felt like my soul had missed his presence all these years. He is so sweet and radiates warmth. All of my mother's family radiates warmth and a love. Perhaps an extension of the love of my mother. I feel at home in their arms. We went inside his house. This is the same house where my grandmother gave birth to all of her children. The same house where my mother was born and raised. I felt a sense of peace and comfort in the home. Inside their home, there is a little stove (soba) where they cook, but there is also a spot that makes an L shape above the stove and you can sleep there. They said that is where I spent my time sleeping at their house when I lived with them. It is a beautiful quaint home and over 100 years old. There was a special feeling in their home that made me feel like I had never left. Albina and Zamfira took me into the other room to show me some pictures on the wall. The first picture hanging on the wall was a photo of a beautiful woman who looked to be in her early twenties. The photo took my breath away and I felt an instant pull towards it. Tears instantly came to my eyes as I looked at the photo. It made me so emotional. It is a photo of my aunt Silvia, my mother’s older sister. In the photo, my aunt is so beautiful. I still cry just thinking about it. My feelings were hard to explain. I was surprised at my reaction towards the photo. It was like a massive force had hit me and I was instantly overwhelmed with emotions just looking at her photo. It's hard to fully explain how I felt the moment I saw her photo. She died way before I was even born. I learned that she passed away in 1965 when she was just 30 years old from a cat bite that got infected. She was so young when she died. She was not married at the time. The other photo was of Aurel when he was young and in the military. He looks the same only older. Zamfira brought her photos in the other room for us. I love photos. For someone like me who has little memory and knowledge of my family here, photos are a priceless treasure. I loved looking at the photos of my mother's family. Many were of Aurel and his life. He was a logger in his young days. Aurel has such a presence about him. I love to be around him. I think in many ways we represent the same thing to each other. To me, Albina and Aurel represent an extension of my mother's love and life and I think to them I represent an extension of my mother who they lost so long ago. When I am near them I feel like I am near my mother. I miss her. I found out that my grandfather served in the military. He was killed in 1944 during WWII. He is buried in the mountains where they have a monument to all of the soldiers. He died in August/September and in October my mother was born. My grandmother raised all of her children alone in this house. I think she must have been an amazing woman who was extremely hard working. I think she must have taught all of her children well by her example because they are all hardworking, kind and generous. My grandmother passed away the year before I was born. During my visit, I was able to get the names and dates of my grandparents and all of my aunt and uncles. It was what I had hoped for and I was very excited. Learning about my family’s legacy is so important to me. Not only do I want to know everything about my life in Romania and my family, I always want my children to know where they come from. I wish that I could fully articulate the feelings I felt in the home where my mother was born and raised. There is a pure love in this home. It radiates warmth, peace, protection and love to me. Here in the walls of this home I felt whole. I felt honored to be standing in the home where my grandmother lived and raised her children. I felt honored to be a part of their family for they truly have a wonderful legacy of love. It was hard trying to hold back tears. I felt like I was going to burst into a million pieces because I felt so overwhelmed with love. In many ways I wonder if this is a fraction of the same type of love that must radiate from heaven above. A love so pure and strong that it leaves you breathless and fills every inch of your soul. Perhaps this is the power of love that can be felt from our family members who have passed on but still remain near us watching, comforting and protecting us. I truly believe that my family has watched over me throughout my life, comforting me and giving me strength during my darkest hour. I feel that they watch over and protect my little family now. It’s an honor to feel of their love. I felt so overwhelmed with feelings of love in Aurel’s house. This is the home where generations of my family has lived. The same home where I lived for a short time as a little girl after my mother passed. The home itself represented so many different emotions for me but it mostly felt like Home – a place where I belonged and perhaps never really left.
We stayed at Aurel’s house for the whole day. For some reason I just wanted to sit and stare at him. I wonder if I had the same fascination with his presence when I was little. He was baffled that I no longer spoke Romanian. How I wished at that moment that I could. There are so many questions I have for him and everyone. I am determined more than ever to come back speaking fluent Romanian. I feel like I cannot let time go by without recording his memories and everyone’s memories of the life of my mother, my grandmother and all of the family that has passed. Their legacy needs to be told. Aurel’s life needs to be recorded. I think about my grandmother whose life is one of strength and goodness. She was a mother left to care for her children alone. Her story must be told for all generations to know and remember her. I want my children to know their heritage. I feel such an urgency and need to record their lives. They have amazing stories of strength and determination. I was told a little bit about the strength of my mother and her life. She was a woman with a strong spirit despite her weak body. I don’t want to let memories like that slip away. I yearn to know more about my family. I want my children to know about the legacy that my family has left behind.
When we left Aurels, his neighbor, a sweet old lady called me by name. Albina and I went to her. She was working in her garden with her husband. She hugged me and was emotional. She obviously remembered me and I am sure I spent time playing at her house as well. She picked some beautiful, fragrant flowers from her garden for me. I started crying. Here was this sweet lady who I had no memory of and she was touched by my return. It was so sweet. They are all so touched and emotional by my return, but they have no idea how honored and touched I feel to have had this amazing opportunity to return home again. It has been over 18 years since I left and yet they have never forgotten me.
I feel so honored to have returned to the home of my grandmother – the home where my mother was born. It completely changed my life forever. I feel like I was touched by something so powerful that my soul was forever changed. If only you could feel what I felt.
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