Sunday, October 18th Update

On Sunday morning we woke up and ate breakfast. At Saveta's house we have eaten sarmale (stuffed cabbage rolls) which is the traditional Romanian dish. Usually they stuff it with rice, herbs and some type of meat. It is delicious and just like I remember it tasting. Kalan loved it. We got ready to leave Straja. Kalan and I were both feeling sad. Neither of us wanted to leave. It was so hard to think about leaving Straja. I felt like I was home and Straja was special to me. I was teary eyed all morning. We took pictures with everyone. It was difficult to say goodbye to Vasile. He cried and so did we. He has such a fun and playful personality and it was really hard to say goodbye. I wished that I could speak Romanian so that I could tell him goodbye and how much I loved him and appreciated his kindness. We already said goodbye to Aurel and Zamfira on Saturday. It was difficult to leave their house. I wanted to stay in it forever. I cried as we got into the car and had to drive away. Saveta was working in her store so she drove with us. We dropped her off at her store. Once again it was really difficult to say goodbye. We were all crying. She said not to cry because we will be able to talk on the phone and the internet and we would see each other again soon. I hope that they could feel how much we loved them and how much we appreciated being around them. Goodbyes are awful. It feels like a part of you gets left behind. It was a dream come true to be in Straja with all of my mother’s family together. They have been so gracious and kind to us.

We rode in the car with Ionica and Albina while Vica and Razvan drove in the other car. They drove us around to all of the tourist sites. It was so fun to spend time just looking at all the beautiful monasteries. They let us stop at sites to purchase souvenirs. They noticed that we were buying postcards at every stop so they started buying them for us. Then at each tourist souvenir stop they would purchase stuff for us. We had to stop looking at stuff so they wouldn't see. They are so giving and generous. If you even look at something in the store, they buy it right away. We can't even point out something and says its name in English without them buying it for us. We were touched by their kindness. They're so giving and sweet. They would give anything for you. It's truly a beautiful trait. The monasteries were beautiful. All of them are hand painted on the inside and one of them was hand painted on the outside walls as well. They are breathtaking. We loved looking at each one. The scenery was beautiful. Everything was so green and all of the countryside was carpeted with vibrant fall colors. The countryside is amazing. At one point we went to the top of a mountain to see a large statue of a hand. The hand represents the hard working people. It started snowing while we were up there. It was an amazing view. It was a really great day. It was nice to spend time together. Each of them bought special gifts for us. We loved everything and really appreciated their kindness and hospitality.

We got into Suceava after 5pm and we finally convinced them to let us take them to dinner. We took them to the restaurant where Marius and Larisa work. Marius is a chef and Larisa is a waitress. It's a small restaurant meant for business travelers. Marius cooks international dishes. It was nice to see them. We missed them. Marius made us wonderful dishes. I told Larisa to have him surprise me with a dish. She brought me out a plate that had thin potato slices arranged in a flower shape with rolled chicken in the middle. It was really pretty. He belongs in a resort. The dishes he makes are beautiful and something you would find at a fine resort restaurant in Scottsdale. He is self taught. You would have to attend a culinary school to be able to learn how to makes the dishes and desserts that he makes. They're beautiful and plated so well. It was a very nice dinner. We were glad that we got to do something for them. I feel like it's not enough for all the kindness and hospitality they have shown to us. They deserve the world.

In the evening back at the apartment, Albina showed me her photo album. She did not have many pictures of my mother before her death. I don't know if you all know this, but typically in different countries their family albums include pictures of the deceased. I would say that more than half of her photo album were pictures of them at funerals. It was lovely to see a photo of my mother when she was healthier. The photos were small and very aged, but I could see her face and she looked happy. She had a lot of pictures from my mother's funeral. She started giving me all of the pictures. I was happy to receive them but they are heartbreaking. There are many pictures of me at the funeral. I was crying as I was looking at all of the photos. Once again, there are not enough words that could describe how I felt as I looked at my baby photos which also had my mother in them.

Albina has been sleeping at her neighbor's apartment since we arrived. She is so sweet. After showing me the pictures, she went and got all bundled up so that she could walk over to her neighbor’s apartment to sleep. She is the most unselfish person I know. Everyone here is so giving and kind. It’s a beautiful trait. After she left, I sat in our room staring at the pictures and crying. The pictures are extremely bittersweet. I love seeing a picture of myself as a little toddler, but I wish it was in a different situation. It’s a mix of emotions as I look at a photo of myself at my mother’s casket. They’re particularly heartbreaking because everyone else in the photo is very solemn and sad, but I am smiling and happy and clearly do not understand what is going on. I was only 2 when she passed. The saddest photo by far is a picture of Albina holding me as I am smiling and reaching down touching my mother’s face. This photo made me want to fall apart and I felt like I was feeling the pain of my mother’s passing so deeply. In the photo I look so happy to be seeing my mother – not realizing that she has passed. It is so clear in the photos that I am just a little girl with no understanding of what was truly happening. I had no idea that it would be the last time I would see my mother. How heartbreaking it is to think of that moment in my life. In many ways, I felt like I was still that little girl reaching out wanting to hold my mother. I sat and cried as I looked through all of the pictures again and again. Oh how I miss my mother. Words cannot express the void her passing has left for all of us. What is particularly sad to me is that my family has told me that I followed my mother around everywhere she went. They told me that I was like her little shadow. It makes the photos even more heartbreaking for me to see. But I am thankful for them because they are a part of my life. They document my life and what I have been through. There are several pictures of us as a family (my father, brothers and I) at my mother’s side. How sad those pictures are because they fully depict the reality of our situation. A father left to take care of his little toddler. A little girl left without her mother. Two young boys left to fend for themselves. It is so hard to see how our lives were truly shaped by the passing of my mother. My father and brothers have not had easy lives. My brothers in particular have struggled. How my heart has ached for the sadness and sorrow that they have endured whether by situations outside of their control or sometimes because of their own mistakes. I feel like I was the lucky one. Sometimes I wondered why it was me that left and not them. Why did I get chosen to leave while thousands of others were left behind? There were others in worse situations than mine. But as I have returned to my homeland, I realized some of the reasons I was chosen to leave. I think God knew that I would return again. And this time I didn’t return empty handed. We came bringing not just supplies and necessities but hope. I feel like hope and love can truly change the world. It can change our hearts and the hearts of those we serve. That is the beauty of loving and serving those around us. You never know who needs that glimmer of hope during those dark hours. And you never realize how your life will be changed forever.